Ok, so I took an old PC that had formerly been at work and brought it home, but it needed a modem. Throwing caution to the wind, I bought the cheapest modem card Walmart had, the Broadxent v.92. Never mind that it’s a subsidiary of Creative, a company who, by most accounts, makes crappy Winmodems.
The punchline: it works great! I’ve never gotten >2k/sec throughput in my life with something this cheap. I’m all aglow. And it cost $30, less if you shop around.
Pros: Cheap. Works. Comes with fax software.
Cons: I had to unplug and re-insert the card before win2k would properly recognize the card, but that’s just part of the Plug ‘n’ Pray experience.